The movie Kick-A, wherein A actually stands for a cussword, which is spectacular considering how awesome it is to force cusswords on our children in every facet we can, is an intellectual romp through a world without super-heroes and involving no super-powers. Intellectual romp, as most of you probably know, is slang for mentally-challenged crawl.
Nearly thirty minutes into the film we have learned that high schoolers are foul-mouthed whiners who frequently take back alleys on which they are consistently mugged, and that The Girl, while massively pretty in a stunning girl-next-door sort of way, is not interested in the main character at all. Cliches, gosh I wish I knew how to do the special characters so that would be proper, aside, we have delved thirty minutes into boring characters and nothing else.
Our main character questions why, in all the years of comic books and hero fantasies, there has never been a person who actually gave the concept the old college try. His friends geekily explain to him the illogic of it all, but he secretly makes his super hero costume, develops non-existent super-heroing skills, and finds himself, believe it or not, within a perfect heroing scenario, which he fails to do anything about and yet gets mass attention for regardless.
We meet a satanic little girl, worst actor ever: Mr. Nicolas Cage, a rich boy with the perfect bad guy set-up ever, and another hour and fifteen are filled up with what may as well have been any other stupid teen movie pile of useless filler. In the last fifteen minutes of this pointlessly long film we get some decent action with some more boring, cliched garbage to finish us off and you're left with a waste of two hours that, if anything, will either stand out as an extreme annoyance to your pocketbook and the little guy in your head yelling at you for wasting time that you could have used wishing that people had to ask you before production on movies was allowed to start, or blandly smiling because you're impressively capable of shutting off your brain while you watch films and this did an adequate job of getting you near sleep but not quite over the edge.
I could go on for a long time, but I hardly feel it worth the effort, so I'll just end this little segment with a perfect indication of how lamentable the acting was in this film. Mr. Cage was the best actor in this film...
And for those of you who like numbers, and boy am I one of you, 2.4 creepy segmented fingers out of 10.
